The Dead Beginning


            One of the most painful experiences as a writer is staring at a blinking cursor on a blank Microsoft Word document and having no idea what to type.
            This seems different from what people call writer’s block. Writer’s block is going somewhere then running out of ideas, coming to a fork in the road and not knowing where to go. Reaching a dead end. 
            This is a dead beginning. This is an uncomfortable emptiness, a feeling of having nothing to tell, nothing to offer, nothing to give.
            This is where I am.
            I can’t remember a point in my life when I wasn’t writing something. From impossible-to-film movie screenplays to mediocre songs to embarrassingly pathetic fanfiction that should have never seen the light of day, I’ve always been in the middle of some writing project. Always.
            Until now. I haven’t written in several months.
            It’s not like I haven’t tried. I’ve had a few vague ideas for movies or novels that I’ve toyed around with, but the excitement faded before I even got going. And the excitement is what it’s all about.
            So, I’m trying to get to the root of the problem.
            I have had a lot of life changes recently. For example, it’s clearly taken a lot of life changes to lose these first fifty-five pounds. Maybe getting up from the computer and going to the gym has shifted my method of catharsis. Perhaps all the feelings and emotions I’d usually work out through a story have been let go through running.
            But if that’s the case, should I stop exercising and go back to being the lonely fat girl who lives vicariously through her fictional characters?      
            Um, no.
            So how do I revive the creativity?
            I just don’t know.
            All I know is how much I miss writing! I miss the adventures. I miss the plotting and planning. I miss the flow, that rush you get when you sit down to write and the next time you look at the clock, two chapters and eight hours have passed.  
            I want to get back into it. It's who I am. 


            Sorry. Just really needed to vent.

2 comments

Lacey said...

Ah, I get this. I used to write ALL the time growing up. I've definitely lost sight of my love for it now that I'm "grown up" and have a schedule and responsibilities. It's super lame. I would have to say the best thing that has helped me is to write down my ideas AS SOON as they hit me and don't wait to even jot down a quick sentence. Don't give yourself time to "get over the excitement"!

Anyway, I wish you luck and I hope you find your writing spirit again :)))

Jennifer said...

Yes! I think "growing up" is a huge part of the problem. It makes me sad.

Thanks for the tip; I need to remember to keep a notebook and pen handy at all times for those moments of inspiration!